So I haven't written in a while. Like a year? Things have been crazy. I'm in the real world now, with all it's real worldiness. I'm not a student any longer. That's weird. I'm used to using all my energy for steeping in my own thoughts. I could spend a whole day thinking and reading. That was considered productive. Now it's not. Now productivity is cleaning house, walking dog, grocery shopping, making budget plans and having enough time to steep in my own mind juice so I don't go crazy.
It's easy to forget who I am when all I do is live. I've gotten into running because it slows me down, oddly. While my body just wants to use every ounce of energy it has gathered from sitting all day at work my mind is free to wander about aimlessly. I'm free to get pissed, get excited, daydream and imagine.
I think it's important to just find those ways you can make yourself free. Every time I go hiking I become surprised at how human I feel. It's like I had forgotten what that was like. I go into autopilot with all the day-to-day and then I set foot on a trail and my heart becomes fleshy again. I encounter myself.
Sometimes I'm different and sometimes I'm frustratingly the same. Sometimes for the life of me I can't figure out the solution to any of my problems. Sometimes by the grace of God I just see. Then there are the times my dog knocks my feet from under me and I'm laying on a root. That's what I know about life thus far. It's hilariously unpredictable.
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